Helping My Special Little Girl, Lexi Mae!

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Danny, friends | 2 Comments

So, I was talking to one of the mamas I donate milk to, and her little girl got sick and was in the hospital with RSV. I know it sounds silly, but when I saw she was in the hospital, my heart jumped in my throat and I just about started crying! I know it sounds silly, but I feel like she’s my baby too! I think I feel that way about all of my milk babies, but especially Lexi. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’ve gotten to know her and her mom really well. But, I was so worried about her! And luck has it, I had milk leftover from when Danny was recovering from RSV, so it might be able to better help her little girl fight it all off! Especially considering it should have the right antibodies to help combat it, since it was pumped right around the time Danny was getting over his RSV. Only problem was, I had it all in bottles, and not bags, and the bottles aren’t good for shipping.

Normally, I wouldn’t do this, because technically, you shouldn’t thaw and then refreeze breast milk, however, I’ve refrozen milk that was slushy before, and it was just fine, so I got the milk to that point, and then my sister and I started bagging it all! It took us about an hour just to bag it all! We had 78 bottles to bag. We ended up giving Danny three of the bottles, because he saw us bagging it and got these jealous puppy eyes. He was probably thinking, “What? What is she doing with MY milk?! That’s mine! I could be drinking that! Wait! What are you doing?! Give it back!!!” So, we warmed a couple bottles of it up for him and he was happy.

But, like I said, normally, I wouldn’t thaw and refreeze, but I was super careful about it, making sure the milk stayed cold/slushy the entire time. And since I’ve refrozen a couple bottles here and there that were at that point, I feel comfortable doing it. So, now we just need it to all refreeze completely by morning so I can ship it off to her.

It was definitely a task! I had to drive out to my step-dad’s to get the milk out of his freezer (he had been storing it for me), so I bet he’s glad that it’s gone and he has room! He was (jokingly) threatening that he was going to use it in his coffee if I didn’t come get it soon! But then we had to let it thaw out, and bag it. Tori helped me. We used the breast shields for my breast pump like a funnel and poured all the milk into the bags.

It’s mostly an economy issue. The bottles won’t fit in the cooler very well, and they take up a lot of extra weight. So, when you’re shipping 2nd day, and you’re paying a pretty penny for it, you want to be able to get the most out of it you can. If I had sent it in the bottle, I probably could have only fit 12-15 bottles in the cooler (30-37.5 ounces) but in the bags, I can fit around 18-22 bags in the cooler (108-132 ounces). So when you’re paying $50-100 just to ship it, you definitely want to get the most out of it that you can! Especially since you can’t be shipping it all the time!

But yeah. Miss Lexi is going to get some nummy-yummy good-for-her-tummy milk very soon! And I’m sure she’ll enjoy it! Last time, Courtney (her mom) told me that Lexi downed the bottle of breast milk faster than she ever downed a bottle of formula, so she must have enjoyed it! Can’t say I blame her! I’d rather a glass of drink breast milk over formula any day!

Anyways, I just had to share. This kind of stuff just gives me the happy-warm-fuzzy-feelings all over. Just makes me feel really good about being able to help such an amazing little girl in such an amazing way.

Salvation Army Angel Tree

Filed Under Danny, Family, Maddi, friends, money | 2 Comments

Okay. So, Dan and I are pretty freaking broke this year. So, I signed up for the Salvation Army Angel Tree program, and got approved for it, which was awesome. They sent us a letter confirming our appointment time to come in and pick out gifts for our kids, and the letter said it had to be presented in order to be allowed to “shop.” So, I put the letter in the drawer so I wouldn’t lose it.

Anyways, night before the appointment, I decided to set everything out since I’d have to get up early and didn’t want to forget anything. And then I check the drawer for the letter and it’s not anywhere to be found. I ramsacked the house. And our house isn’t that big! I even grabebd some gloves and went through five or six bags of nasty ucky trash! And I still couldn’t find it. I ended up crying. I was pretty upset.

I called them at 1 in the morning, hoping they had a voicemail and I could leave a message explaining my problem, but they didn’t have an answering machine. So, I got up around 6:30-7am (after going to bed at 3:30am) and picked up Chelsea, hung out at my grandparents for a little bit, and then sat outside the Salvation army family services office for half an hour until they opened.

While we waited, there were some Nikiski firemen there picking up boxes, so Chelsea and I helped them carry all their boxes to their truck. Might as well help someone, right? We were just sitting in the car doing nothing…

So they open at 10, and don’t get out there for anyone until around 10:30. I talk to a guy and he goes and talks to the lady in charge, comes back and tells me that if I have my photo ID, then they can do it. I was so relieved. I just about cried.

So Chelsea and I got to go through and pick two toys and a couple outfits out for each kiddo. Maddi got a hat and scarf set, and Danny got a hat. And Maddi got some bracelets, and Danny got a little wooden truck. Maddi got a doll and some foam bath letters that stick to the sides of the tub, and Danny got a wooden cube that you push little wooden shapes into, and a wooden emergency crew set with a wooden ambulance, fire truck and police car. And Maddi got a pair of shoes, and an outfit and Danny got two outfits.

It’s not much, but it’s sooo much more than we would have had! And I really appreciate that the people in our community do this kind of thing. I felt bad accepting it at first, but you know… I can make it up later. When I have money, I can give some to the bellringers at the holidays or something, so they can help some other family who is in the position I am now in the future.

But…

I still can’t believe I dug through six bags of trash! UGH!

Mood: Accomplished! :D

Filed Under BebeBreeze, Family, friends, sewing | Leave a Comment

Yay for being productive. Yay for being awesome.

Tonight, we bought stuff to make chicken parmesan. And it turned out AMAZING! It was freaking delicious. It was a cooperative effort between Chelsea and I. Dan helped a little, but he’d like to lead you to believe he deserves more credit than he does!!!

Then, I worked on a carrier. I started it yesterday and it was kind of exciting because it’s a new design…sort of. Same design, just a different look and layout. It turned out really well and I REALLY like it!

So, I finished that up, and listed it on my site. I even went through and added secondary photos to all of the listings, which I’ve been meaning to do for a while! I even got the sling listed, and edited some of the other listings! The boutique is definitely looking good! That’s for sure!

And then I got on my blog and fixed up some pages! If you click on the “BebeBreeze” page, it’s got the link to my boutique. Or you can simply click here. It’s been a work in progress for a while, but it’s finally getting to the point, I’m comfortable showing it to people!

Then, I published my milk babies page. I’ve been meaning to do that for a while too! I’ve had the draft saved on here for a few months, just haven’t gotten around to doing it, you know? And getting all the photos together for it and everything… but it’s up now. Which is, awesome! I’ll be updating it as I donate more!

Anyways, if you can’t tell from my tone, I’m feeling a whole lot better. Really motivated and determined to get stuff done!

Resolve to a Difficult Day

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Danny, Family, Love, Maddi, friends, sewing | 4 Comments

So, yesterday was terrible. Like, on-the-verge-of-tears-and-tempted-to-go-hide-under-a-rock-forget-my-name-and-never-come-out kind of terrible.

I don’t really know what started it. I just remember, I started getting stressed right before Dan left for work. I was cleaning up the kitchen, and Maddi kept getting under my feet, even though I kept telling her to go to the living room. After trying to hold a conversation with Dan, and repeatedly telling Maddi to go to the living room because she was making me trip all over her, I got really mad and I yelled at her. I felt really bad afterward, because she cried and looks down like she was scared and upset.

The house was really messy. I get really depressed and down in the dumps anytime the house is too messy or disorganized or sloppy looking. I don’t know why. I just know that if it’s too messy, it’s a one-way ticket to a crappy day for me. So, I spent most of my day cleaning.

I wanted to work on schoolwork, but when I went to log on to the system, it was down and it said it wouldn’t be back up until Wednesday morning.

I put Maddi down for her nap, and as usual, she started crying and pitching a fit. I forgot to give her the herbal stuff we use (Tranquil Child by Oregon Harvest) to help her calm down and mellow out before bed. The effects are similar to sleepy-time tea… It’s not drugs or anything, just some stuff to help her mellow out, peppermint and chamomile. Anyways, I forgot to give it to her.

Anyways, while Maddi was in bed, Danny was crying and fussing like crazy. I think he’s starting to teethe. I’m not sure, but he’s had a lot of fits recently, where nothing makes him happy. He just screams. Cuddles don’t work. Boobs don’t work. Baths don’t work. Chewing on a spoon that we put in the freezer ahead of time seemed to help for a little bit, but that was short lived. I gave him some ice cold water in a bottle. He seems to enjoy the cold water, but again, only short lived relief. So, he was SCREAMING for almost four hours. Not just crying. Not just fussing, but screaming.

There’s two things I hate about when he cries like that. The first, is that it breaks my heart to hear him scream like he’s in pain and hurting. I usually end up with watery eyes and about to cry when I hear him like that and I can’t fix it. I hate it when my baby is in pain. I love him too much to see him hurting like that. The second, is that it makes me feel like crap. It makes me feel like I’m a failure of a mom. My baby is miserable and unhappy, and I can’t fix it. It makes me feel like it’s all my fault which is depressing. I hate feeling like that.

I want to be a good mom. I really do. But I feel like lately, no matter what I do, nothing is right and I’m not a good mom. I want to be, and I’m willing to learn, but where am I supposed to learn from? I never really had any kind of stable or consistent parenting growing up. Everything I do with my kids comes from here and there, and this and that. It’s all a guessing game. I don’t like making my kids into guinea pigs. I don’t like having to test out different disciplines on them, and feel like I still have no clue what I’m doing.

I really want to get this parenting program called “Love & Logic.” It’s supposed to be really good. I’ve read a lot of good reviews on it and I’ve heard a lot of my own friends and family rave about it. I really want to get it. It’s just a matter of saving up the money for it. It’s not too terribly expensive ($70) but I don’t have $70, you know? So… It is a lot when you don’t have it. I just know I’m not happy with how discipline is in our house, and I don’t like how she reacts to our disciplinary measures. I feel like it’s going nowhere, and there has to be a better way… I just haven’t found it yet.

Anyways, back to the story. Danny was still screaming, and I just put him back in his rocker because I was about ready to start crying myself. Sometimes, you just get to a point you feel like you can’t handle it, and that’s when you just put them down somewhere safe and let them cry. Nothing I was doing was working or even helping, and you can only do so much before it starts to wear on you. So, I put him down and went to get Maddi up from her nap.

I step into the bedroom and before I even look at her, I can smell it. Her diaper is on the floor (surprisingly, clean, nothing in it.) and there’s poop smeared from one end of the crib to the other. Globs and streaks of nasty, stinky, raunchy poop. I know this sounds bad, but given a choice between the two, I’d choose Danny poop any day because Maddi’s is just disgusting and horrible. I started crying. This is the third time she’s done this since we moved into the house. It’s a pain to clean, and having to lean over the crib to clean it after having abdominal surgery isn’t an easy task.

I picked her up out of the crib, took her straight to the bathroom and gave her a cold shower. It wasn’t really cold. More like slightly under lukewarm. She hates showers as it is, and I figured, if it’s not comfortable for her, she might learn from it. She CANNOT keep doing this and I CANNOT handle the continuation of her doing this. Thankfully this time, most of the poop was spread all over the mat that comes out of the bottom of the crib. I made her help clean it. Of course, I had to go over it after, but I made sure she got to lean over, scrub it and smell it while she cleaned. She cried the whole time, but she has to learn she can’t do things like that! Poop is NOT the same thing as paint and I’m sorry, I know it’s my job as Mom, but I do NOT want to keep cleaning up her shit!!! LITERALLY!

Throught this whole shower, scrubbing and crying thing… Danny is still screaming. Maddi then refused to eat, and I just said forget it, and put her right back in bed. If she couldn’t behave, I wasn’t about to deal with it when I was so stressed and upset.

I finally got Danny to calm down enough to nurse. Which was good, because it seemed to really relax him. He went to sleep. I tried to put him back in his rocker, but anytime I moved him away from my boob, he started to whimper, so I just let him snuggle with me.

Dan came home. He brought some of those yummy Van der Kamp fish filets and a bunch of madrin oranges. Kind of cheered me up. I cooked the fish, and some peas, and got Maddi up out of bed so she could see Daddy. I felt bad for just putting her in bed, but I needed a breather.

We all ate dinner together. It was nice, and relaxing. It felt good. She even ate all her vegetables with very little coaxing. We had to help a little, but she did it! She even babbled at us during dinner, talked a little, and we let her have some of Dan’s chocolate soy milk and a mini 3 musketeers candy bar after dinner. We put Maddi back in bed, and she didn’t put up too much of a fight (after all, it was really late).

Dan had brought home a movie. “The Ugly Truth.” I liked it. We watched it together. Had a sweet night. Cuddled up together afterwards. Then, Danny woke up, and I laid down and fed him. He snuggled up on me, and just nursed and cuddled almost the entire night. Normally, he dosen’t just snuggle up. He’ll try to play or move around a ton, but not this time. He passed out on my boob.

That’s one thing I love. When he falls asleep on me like that. It just makes everything okay. No matter how bad my day is, when he snuggles up on me and just lays there with me, quiet and close, it makes everything feel to much better.

It was a hard day. I won’t lie. I cried a lot. It sounds stupid, especially since all the things that went so wrong might seem trivial, but it was a really rough day.

Then, this morning, I got to sleep in. Courtesy of my amazing husband. And then, instead of getting up in a bad mood, I decided today would be a good day.

I tried logging onto the school’s system but their outage was extended until Friday. At first it kind of upset me, but I decided, it’d just have to be okay. I went in the kitchen and made waffles for my little girl and my husband. We had brunch together as a family and just hung out together until Dan had to go to work.

I spent the day with my kids. I cleaned up the house. I got some laundry done. I picked up Chelsea from school and she came over and spent some time with us. We mad dinner. Salmon, cheesy mashed potatoes, corn and brownies. Chelsea and I made some of the mocha frappuccinos for Dan. We watched Ice Age 3. Then, we took Chelsea home, and when we got back, I sewed a few sets of nursing pads and experimented with some designs and different ways of sewing them, and I finally settled on one.

I took some photos and even added the listings to my online boutique. Speaking of which, I have been working on setting it up. For anyone who wants to take a peek at what the boutique page looks like, click here. I’ve been working on it. It’s not done, but it’s getting closer to being ready.

I think… What I’ve gathered from this… is that sometimes, it’s really easy to get worked up and wrapped up in the unimportant things that don’t really matter. Sometimes the people causing you stress and upsetting you so much, are the same people who can make you feel better and melt that stress away. And sometimes, you just have to decide you’re going to have a good day, or at least a better day, and hold yourself to it.

Yesterday, was complete and utter hell… But it got better towards the end. And today might not have been perfect, but it was better. I found some positivity in it, and that’s something special. Something to be proud of. Yesterday, there was no light at the end of the tunnel… But last night, I realized there was… I was just going down a hill, and for a moment, couldn’t see the light. But it’s still there. And I’m going to be okay.

Day-After-Halloween

Filed Under Danny, Maddi, friends, photos | Leave a Comment

So, because we had all been sick for an eternity, the house was a disaster… I mean, a complete and total disaster. We hadn’t cleaned or done much of anything since Tuesday, so there were dishes a mile high, the floors were nasty, we needed to vacuum desperately, etc. I’m sure you get the point. Anyways, my sister and Chelsea were nice enough to come over and help clean. And then they wanted to dress up and take pictures!

Screw the Cabbage Patch, I Come from the Pumpkin Patch!

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We did this the weekend before halloween when we were carving pumpkins at Janelle’s house! It’s kind of a tradition. Janelle and I have carved pumpkins every year, at her house together, since Maddi was born! So we carved pumpkins and had dinner. Grandma even joined us!

Milk for Bella & Lilah

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Danny, Maddi, Videos, friends, photos | 1 Comment

So, on Tuesday morning, I shipped off some milk for twin girls, Bella and Lilah! It was exciting. I love sending milk off, but at the same time, I hate doing it because then it’s out of my hands and I can’t guarantee its safety.

It might sound really weird, but I’m incredibly attached to my breast milk. Like, amazingly so. I cry everytime I ship some off. I know. I’m weird, but I can’t help it. It’s just a very emotional thing for me.

I got to use UPS for the first time though! I’ve only ever used FedEx for it before, but I’m just glad that Bella and Lilah’s parents had an account! I absolutely hate doing shipping without an account. It’s just so much easier with one!

I sent 324 ounces. I think that’s the most I’ve ever sent in one shipment, but then again, it is for TWO babies, and not just one! lol

And the worst mother of the year award goes to…

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Danny, Family, friends, photos | 4 Comments

Danyelle came over to help me unpack. Mariah and Chelsea and one of my siblings… Either Allie or Sophie, were here. I had just fed Danny and set him down in his little rocker. I asked the girls if they’d watch Danny and Alyssa (Danyelle’s baby who is one month older than Danny) while we went to pick up Maddi from my grandma’s and Chelsea (Danyelle’s oldest who is one month younger than Maddi) from her grandma’s. They said they would, so we left.

When we got back, one of the girls handed Danny to me and told me he needed changed. I felt his diaper and he didn’t feel that wet, so I just held him. He coughed and I got a little concerned because Alyssa had a really bad cough and it made me worry that he had caught it. I shrugged it off and sat down in the glider to feed him. I pull my shirt down, pull my boob out, and have it on the tip of his lips and he’s about ready to suck when the girls scream “Noooo! STOP! That’s Alyssa!”

I looked at them a little confused, pulled the hat back, checked the hair, and said  “No, it’s not…” And then got ready to feed him. The girls yell again and say “Nooo! It really is Alyssa! We switched their clothes!!”

I look again and realize that really is Alyssa and i started to laugh and cry at the same time. Laughing because I didn’t recognize my own baby, and crying for the same reason! I don’t feel as bad though, because Danyelle didn’t realize they were switched either! They do look alike though… Take a look for yourself!!!

!

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Painting the house…

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So, these are the pictures I took when Dan and I were thinking of buying the house…

My crazy life…

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Danny, friends, house | 3 Comments

Wow. So, my life has been completely insane and hectic lately!

First, I’ve been cleaning, organizing and sorting things like a madwoman. You have no idea how crazy I’ve been getting with the cleaning, but it’s totally necessary. We have some good news!

They accepted the offer on the house! So, we’ll have the keys in about a month! I’m so excited. It’s going to be our first home! It’s freaking awesome! So, because of that, I’ve decided to slowly work on downsizing, cleaning, sorting and organizing things. Especially Maddi’s toys. The kid has WAY too many toys! She seriously has enough toys to cover the entire floor of our living room. But that’s because she’s the first grandchild on my side, and Dan’s side… She gets spoiled!

So, I’m downsizing. I sorted through some old clothes of Maddi’s and even some of Danny’s! Some get sold on ebay. Some are put in a box for a memory quilt. Some are donated the church’s clothing bank.

So, I got my MotherLover “More Milk Plus.” The stuff tastes terrible but it works! I was super impressed with it! It’s given me a noticeable difference in my milk production! I’m excited! I’ve been storing a lot. I’m going to finish filling up all the 80 ml bottles I have for Danny’s backup supply and then I’m going to keep freezing more for donation.

I nursed my friend’s baby today. She went on a short walk and baby got hungry and mama gave me the okay, so I nursed her. From everything I’ve read and researched, there’s nothing wrong with cross-nursing.

Anyways, Danny is crying and I need to get in bed! I have an early dentist appointment tomorrow!

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