Jacey
Filed Under Contemplative, Health, pregnancy | 2 Comments
I’ve been thinking about my baby a lot.
The one I lost.
Jacey.
Maybe it’s because I didn’t work through it after it happened. I dont know. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately though.
I wish I could have met her. 
Had an AWESOME day!
Filed Under Danny, house | 1 Comment
Holy wowza. I have been BUSY!
First.
We gave Karwei to a really sweet couple. He wasn’t getting the attention he needed because of how crazy busy I am, and he wouldn’t stay in our yard, and at night he was barking and the neighbors got really mean about it and it got pretty crazy. But anyways, the important part is, he’s somewhere where he gets plenty of attention now, and that’s the important part! I’ll miss him, but he’ll be happier with this other couple!
School is going great. I’m really excited about it. I’m still getting GREAT grades. 
Hopefully I make Dean’s list again!
I went to homecoming tonight! I know, I’m not in high school, but they needed chaperons, so I did it! I did three of the girls hair (they looked awesome!) and then I went home, grabbed the baby carrier, and put a cute dress on! Danny went with me! He was very popular! He slow danced with Allison, Chelsea, and Mommy! And then he had dozens of other dances with everyone! It was fun! My job was to tap people when they’re doing things they shouldn’t (making out… Dirty dancing…) and pretty much just mingle and keep an eye on everyone. I got to dance too, which was awesome. Allison and Maryah both danced with me. I had to tap 44 kids. It was INSANE! I forgot how hormonal teenagers can be. 
But yeah, I guess the other chaperons liked me, because I look young enough that I can get in the middle of the group on the dancefloor and it not be obvious. So, I’m going to start chaperoning more dances!
And tomorrow? We’re going to Janelle’s for turkey! Should be fun!
My angel baby…
Filed Under Uncategorized, pregnancy | 1 Comment
I found a site. It made me cry my eyes out. I don’t even know how I found it. I just stumbled on it.
http://www.innocents.com
There’s a shrine for the unborn babies who have passed away. A book of life. They inscribe your baby’s name into it for you and send you a certificate of life for your baby.
I couldn’t stop crying.
Jacey is in that book now.
Danny’s Hospital Pics
Filed Under Danny, Health, photos | Leave a Comment
Me and my favorite little man, in my not so favorite place.
My poor poor baby.
His poor sleepy puffy eyes.
"I'm awake mommy! Stuffy, but awake!"
Allie, Mariah and Chelsea gowning up to come visit!
Charlies... I mean... Danny's Angels! Coming to rescue him from hospital boredom.
Aunt Chelsea!
Aunt Allie & Danny
Aunt Myah!
Aunt Allie with smiley eyes!
"You look dumb Aunt Allie. Take it off!"
A hottub built for a baby!
Auntie Myah is the best bath giver!
Chill-axing with Auntie Myah!
Auntie Chelsea helping me settle down...
We hung his toys from the pull-up bar thingy...
Such a big bed for such a little baby!
"Where'd mommy go? Oh! There she is!"
I love this picture.
Mommy and her favorite man
Danny and his favorite nurse!
I feel like I’m crazy…
Filed Under Contemplative, Health | 4 Comments
I feel like I’m going crazy.
One minute I feel fine, the next minute I feel like the world is ending and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I don’t want another baby right now. Physically and financially, we can’t handle it yet… But I keep thinking “When I have another baby I want to…” all of these different things. Names. Designing my own maternity clothes. Making it a surprise and not telling anyone until they figure it out. I keep daydreaming and I don’t know why. I would FREAK if I got pregnant again, but I keep daydreaming about it and it dosen’t make sense to me.
And school. I keep obsessing. I keep thinking if I don’t get all A’s then there’s no point and I may as well drop out. I know it’s not true… logically that’s not true… But I miss even a couple point on an assignment and get it knocked down to a low A, and I’m about on the verge of tears and ready to just quit because I’m not good enough.
And I’m really discouraged about my baby business (carriers, diapers, slings, nursing pads). I really want to do it, but I can’t find anyone who’s wanting to buy any and it’s really upsetting me! Everyone kept telling me how good all my stuff turned out and how great it is, yet I can’t find anyone to buy any? WTF?
And I keep thinking of my father. I don’t know who he is… I’m missing half of myself, and when I start thinking about it… it upsets me, because I don’t know if I’ll ever find them. David Blanchard. And Terry Glenn. I’m going to be spending the rest of my life wondering. I’m never going to find these two other men… All I know is that they were in the military stationed in Alaska sometime in late 87 to early 88. Part of me just wants to tell Ted to not even tell me what the results are if we get a DNA test and if they are negative… Lie to me. I don’t want to know. Sign the papers. Get on my birth certificate and just lie to me.
I feel so useless.
Danny’s in the hospital
Filed Under Danny, Health | 3 Comments
Danny was admitted to the hospital last night for RSV.
He’s had a cold for about two weeks and it was starting to get better but then it got worse.
Tuesday night I woke up with a massive migraine (which has faded to a very sharp headache since then) and I went to the doctor wednesday around noon and they discovered some blood/heart problems so I was sent to the hospital for an xray. Then I went to fill my prescription for some pain medications. I didnt take them when I got home because I needed to wait till dan got home so I wasn’t drugged up and watching kids.
I fed danny and put him in his rocker and started sewing and I thought I heard something so I got up and looked and he was choking and gasping and his entire face was turning blue. I picked him up and held him up over my head, superman style and he stopped coughing so much…
We went to the ER and now he’s admitted into the hospital. He’s really rattly and he’s having a really hard time eating.
Craftiness Ala Sammi!
Filed Under Danny, photos, sewing | 2 Comments
Purple side of the reversible sling!
The floral side of the reversible sling. Danny's not Metro. Just my model.
Danny's kickass new gown!
Aren’t I crafty? I made all of these today! MWAHAHA! I shall take the world over with my craftiness!
Sorry! I just feel uber proud of myself here! I’m so used to my projects NOT turning out, you know?
Anchorage.
Filed Under Uncategorized | 2 Comments
My friend Danyelle called me last night and asked if I wanted to go to Anchorage with her today. She had a doctor appointment for her daughter, and I figured, why not?
I went along. Kept her company. Had fun. Maddi went with her Grandma Skyla for a few hours while we played the waiting game at the doctor’s.
On the way up… The only way we could tell where A.J. and Rodney’s car crash was, was the spray paint on the pavement. There weren’t any markers at all. I thought for sure there would be something there… So we decided to make something for it and put it up on the way back home.
Skyla and Telford got together some twine and a couple boards so I could fashion a cross. I got some white spray paint for $1.08 at Wal-Mart, and spray painted it in a turnabout near mile 111, which is where the crash that killed A.J. and Rodney was. Like I said before, I knew A.J. but I didn’t know Rodney at all. After looking for the crash site more, we realized there was a couple of bouquets of flowers lying on the rocks. But nothing apparent, or easy to see.
We spraypainted it so it would stand out.
Danyelle and I spraypainted it and I walked about 1/4 of a mile from the turnabout to the crash site (it’s too dangerous to park near the crash site, as it’s on a curve.) And I moved several dozen heavy rocks. I tried to dig with a stick and “plant” the cross, but it was just too rocky (it’s a mountain after all). I ended up digging only a few inches down, and stacking large, heavy rocks all around it.
Facing the mountain. It took a long time to stack all those rocks.
From the side. After I finished it.
From across the highway. Facing the mountain.
It’s so sad.
A Close Up.
Diaper Cover…
Filed Under Danny, Health, photos, sewing | 5 Comments
For the meantime, I don’t have money to make some nice all-in-one diapers, so I hit Joann’s, and they had this waterproof tablecloth material (almost feels leather like) with some kind of felt on the inside, marked down from $10 to $6, plus 50% off and another 10% off!
So I got it pretty cheap. I only got a yard, and I think I can get maybe 3 (but definitely two) covers out of it.
Until I have enough money to make some all-in-ones, then I’m going to just use the trifolds inside of the covers I made. 
Danny's Diaper Cover!
Danny's diaper cover open, with the tri-fold inside.
Fastened, with the trifold inside.
Cloth Diapers
Filed Under Danny, Health, Maddi, money | 2 Comments
Maybe I’m nuts… I don’t know. But I’m switching to cloth diapers.
I was running low on Danny’s diapers (he’s only got a few left) and all I could think was “How much money am I forking out on disposable diapers and wipes in a month? A year?” And then my head started spinning. That’s $2500 a year that could be going towards getting rid of debt. That’s $2500 that could be going towards devloping my baby carrier business. That’s $2500 that could go towards paying off my student loans. That’s $2500 that could make our lives a little less stressed…. And all I have to do is an extra load of laundry a day?
I’m game.
For now, I just bought this tablecloth like material to make a cover for Danny and I’m using the trifolds inside of it. I really want to make some PUL diapers, but I don’t have any money to do it right now. Maddi’s going to use the rest of her pullups and then she’s getting some training pants. I’m making them for her.
In the meantime though, I have located a sewing machine! And that’s something I’m VERY excited about!!!
keep looking »