AJ’s Memorial
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I’m going to Palmer on the 22nd of July and I’m thinking of fixing up the memorial a little more… Any ideas? Here’s what it looks like as of the last fix-up.
Cysts, baby, & Annoying Doctor
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So, about a week ago, I was having some really sharp stabbing pains on the lower right side. I wasn’t bleeding, but it really hurt and I got kind of scared that something was wrong with the baby, so I called the hospital, spoke to the ER lady, who transferred me to OB, who transferred me to a different nurse, and ultimately I decided that I should go in to be on the safe side.
I was really nervous going in. I really didn’t want to know anything bad, and I was almost tempted not to go just for that reason, but I did. They checked me in, and brought me back to Room #11. I got really choked up and couldn’t really talk. Room #11 was the room I found out that I lost my baby. It was the room where I felt completely betrayed by my own body. It’s the room I was curled up in the bed and hoping I would die in. I know it’s just a room, but it was so creepy being in there. It really was. I knew that the room wasn’t anything significant, and I honestly hadn’t expected myself to have the reaction I did, but I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t stop crying. I calmed down after a bit and let them do everything they needed to.
They ran bloodwork to confirm that I really was pregnant. That part made me nervous because that was the first thing that went wrong when I lost Jacey. The test went from being positive a couple days before, to being negative in the hospital that day. That came back fine, which was a relief. They did my levels and they were 3,149, which for 5 weeks and 1 day, was really good and in the normal range. When I had my miscarriage, they were 17 and dropped even more… So having levels that high was a huge relief!
They did a pelvic exam (yuck) and then an ultrasound, which was kind of boring. All you could see was this big empty black sac. I looked, and I swear I saw two teensy weensy little dots along the side of the sac outline, but the sonographer didn’t see them, I don’t think… So I guess I just have to wait more.
Turns out I had a couple cysts on my ovary. I had a followup with an OB the next morning, and he said the cysts weren’t big enough to be causing pain… But SOMETHING is hurting on that side… It’s not hurting much anymore… But it was.
I’m kind of annoyed with the OB I have in Soldotna. He’s really irritating me. My due date is February 14th, and he said something about scheduling my csection for February 7th because of some scheduling conflict… And I told him I’m not having a cesarean… And he just kind of looked at me funny… And asked me again “After two c-sections???” And I said yes… And he started acting like it was super risky…
But seriously… Forget him. I don’t plan on delivering with him anyways.
VBAC Women Denied Acces to Midwifery Care in Most States!
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One thing that has been on my mind lately, is my inability to utilize the services of a midwife. Unfortunately, because I have had two cesareans, heck, even if I had only had one, I am not allowed to use a midwife for my pregnancy and birth in the state of Alaska. I know that I can do prenatal care through a midwife who has a backup, but they cannot do my actual labor and birth. They are subject to losing their license if they do accept me as a client.
I don’t know who is familiar with it, but if you look at the medical model of maternity care and the midwifery model, you’ll see that the outcomes of both models are drastically different, with the midwifery model being the more positve of the two.
And Alaska isn’t the only state that does this. A lot of them do, however, I don’t know which ones off the top of my head… Regardless, it’s ridiculous that women attempting VBACs are being denied access to midwifery care. The chance of rupturing is incredibly low… Heck, there’s probably a lot of other issues with pregnancy that could happen that are at a higher chance than that of rupturing! It’s ridiculous.
What are the laws in your state regarding midwives and VBACs?
Choosing An OB for a VBAC
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So, I’ve come to the conclusion that most OB’s don’t like VBACs. It just seems that way to me… Especially in my community. I’ve heard of them being doine… But I’ve never really heard that any of the cargivers in this area support them. They might, they might not, but I don’t know if I’m comfortable going for a caregiver who dosen’t have a reputation for being pro-VBAC.
In my community, there’s only five OBs that I know of; Dr. Barton, Dr. Anderson, Dr. Deede, Dr. Behrens and Dr. Sheridan. One of them did my first cesarean and my prenatal care before I had my son… The other, I’m not very fond of his bedside manner, as one of my doula clients had him as a doctor. The other, I had for my daughters pediatrician for a bit, and just didn’t care for it… And the other I love, but her specialty isn’t obstetrics. And the other… I had her when I was hospitalized while pregnant with my son and I didn’t care for her…
I’ve heard of a couple other doctors that I am researching into… Dr. Elrod and Dr. Bell. I wrote Dr. Bell an email… We’ll see how it goes from there.
Hospital VBAC vs. Home VBAC?
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I’m really not sure where I want to have my baby. Because of my history of two cesareans, my options are limited as Alaska’s laws aren’t very lenient about VBAC’s and midwifes.
So, what are your thoughts and experiences on the issue?
Rainbow Babies: My Loss
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I didn’t really understand what all of this talk about “rainbow babies” was… Turns out, a rainbow baby, is a baby you have after a pregnancy/infant loss.
So, this is my second rainbow baby… I lost a baby after I had my daughter and before I had my son… It was a really difficult time in my life, but I think it really moulded me as a person.
“Won’t this be a waste if you end up with a cesarean?”
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I went down to the lake to video tape a couple updates, and my husband asked me “Won’t you feel bad if you make all of these videos and end up with a csection anyways??” and it just got me to thinking about it all…
I don’t think it will be a waste. This entire project is a way for me to explore deeper, and learn more about everything to do with birth and VBACs and make the best possible decisions to optomize outcomes for myself and my baby.
So even if I do “end up” with another cesarean, this won’t be a waste.
Pregnancy Surprise was Foiled!
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I was trying to hide my pregnancy until my husband’s birthday so that I would have time to plan a special surprise to tell him with. My last two children, I just kind of blurted it out, but I worked really hard to keep my mouth shut, however, when I got home from the doctor for my “sinus infection” (I was really going for a pregnancy confirmation) I knew that he knew just because of the goofy grin he had on his face!
Turns out, he had been snooping on babycenter, and even made an account because he was going to respond to the thread I made asking for creative ideas on how to surprise my husband!
What a jokester. It was still fun and we had a blast. We were both laughing and smiling the whole time, and that’s what counts!
How to Tell My Husband…
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So, I haven’t told my husband that we’re expecting yet! I’ve been trying to come up with the perfect way to tell him and just haven’t come up with any ideas yet! Do you have an idea? His birthday is on the 18th and I think it would be awesome to surprise him on his birthday!
I’m Pregnant!
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This is my fourth pregnancy and my third baby. We weren’t planning on trying for another baby until fall/winter of 2010, so we’re a few months early with a surprise rainbow baby, and we’re okay with that.
We had an “oops” and I was obsessively testing for a while, but gave up because they were all turning up negative. I found a couple unused tests in my car (I had hid them there because my husband thought I was crazy for taking so many) and figured “why not?” I honestly didn’t think it was going to show up positive, but it did…
I love pregnancy, and I love being pregnant, but there’s one thing that I’m hoping to do different with this pregnancy…. Not have a cesarean.
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