The Future
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I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days. About the future. About what I want to do with myself. What I want to do for my kids. How I want them to see me. How I want to see them. And for some reason, every time I think about it, I’m always drawn back to the same thing.
I signed up for my classes for this coming fall. Cultural Anthropology, Spanish I, Introductory Biology, French I and Interpersonal Communication.
I’ve decided that I’m going to get all A’s this coming semester and make dean’s list. I’ve done it before, I can do it again. I’ve made up my mind and I’m set to do it. That’s all there is to it. I’m going to get all A’s and I will make it work because that is what I want.
I want my kids to be able to be proud of me. I don’t want them to be embarrassed because mom or dad work somewhere like fast food place, a grocery store, or a gas station. I want them to be proud of me when they say, “Yeah, my mom has a degree in _________ and she does ________ for a living.” I want them to feel like I’m not a failure. I don’t want them to look at me as an example of what NOT to do in their own lives (unless you’re talking my teenage years).
I don’t want to have to not get things on my grocery list just because I don’t have enough grocery money for them. I want to be able to plan a meal and be able to buy ALL the ingredients I need for it at once. I know I’ll probably still coupon clip and buy off brands when that day comes, but I don’t want to feel like I can’t get it because I simply don’t have enough.
I don’t want my kids to ever have to go without. I want them to have everything they need and more. I want to leave them with something other than massive debt and heaps of junk when I die.
I don’t want THIS life… I don’t want to live in low-class, low-middle class forever. I don’t want to be like so many people I know… Working multiple jobs. Living in a crap home. Or even worse, a crap apartment. Filing bankruptcy. Having to take out theo government subsidized home loans just to have a place of your own… Even though it’s not really your own with that… I don’t want to be like that and I don’t want to be like them…
So I’m doing what I can to give myself, and my family, a better life.
I just hope I can do it.