My grandpa has been such an incredible influence in my life, especially considering how long he served as my parental figure and guardian. Sure, I remember feeling angry and annoyed with him all the time as a teenager and as a kid. As I got older, and even now, I’ve begun to see that he’s got faults, just like the rest of us, but he’s also an amazing man who has taught me more than I can ever describe. The more I grow and the more I mature, the more I realize that, “Yes, Papa. You were right.” If you know my grandpa, you know he loves to say “And what are those famous words I like to hear?” All in fun and teasing though. He’d never say it to be mean. And of course, I always half-roll my eyes and give him a sideways smile and comply, “You were right, Papa.”
One of those things I’m realizing now, even more so than ever, is that he was right when he told me to get an education. He told me “No one can ever take that away from you.”
When I was in high school, I either got all great grades, or I got all bad grades. I went back and forth between over-achieving and not caring. When I do well, I do extremely well. When I do poorly, I do extremely poor.
I have ADHD and OCD… Anyone with either of those conditions knows that individually, they’re horrific… But combined? They’re hell. If either one of them crops up more so than the other… It can be difficult. I find the most difficult of the two being the ADHD. I have a certain order, and routine I do things in. When I have issues concentrating, I can’t do these things and it stresses me out even more because I still have the compulsion to do these things in that order or routine, but I can’t focus long enough to do it, and while there is conflicting evidence, many people strongly believe that supplements for adhd are having a big impact on their children’s behavior.
Recently, I told my grandpa that it’s his fault. I get an 89% and I feel like I may as well have gotten an F. In my head, I know an 89% is good, but to me, it’s not good enough. Despite knowing it in my head, it doesn’t help how I feel about it. My teacher says to read a chapter… I read the chapter three times and write a 1-2 page paper on each section of the chapter. My teacher says to do even problems 1-100, I do them all.
That is how I keep myself so sharp. I’m not just smart naturally. Intelligent, sure. But being smart and knowing your books takes time, practice, memorization and application. I know this. And I know that if I want to retain what I’m learning, that this is what I have to do. Ultimately, these strange routines and habits pay off in the form of high test scores, and I also use some test resources like saps ibu bapa to even get better test results, so I don’t feel bad about myself.
Back to my original thought though… My grandpa told me that no one can ever take my education away from me. He’s right. And although he never said it in words, he taught me that an education sets me apart from the rest of the world.
I know I’m not amazing. I know come December, I’ll only have an associate’s degree under my belt… But I’ve learned so much in my education pursuits… Not just regarding academia, but about how much people care, and what kind of effort they put into themselves and their lives. Before, it was just about getting by and hoping for something better… Now, it’s about being better, and doing what it takes to get there.
I can’t help but notice how different I am compared to the girls my age in similar situations… heck, even to just kids my age without kids.
Sometimes I feel like I’m one of the few who have my head on tight.
Sorry if this was rambling or hard to follow. I’m just so scatterbrained today.