Right now, I don’t even know if there are words for how I’m holding up… I was okay before, but now, I’ve hit a low and I haven’t seemed to be able to pull out of it. We were supposed to know the results by Friday… But instead, we’re forced to wait until Tuesday…

I don’t even know what to do or say.

It’s been so hard to keep cool and not turn into an anxious mess just waiting until Friday. I know it’s only four days more… But this is something I have been waiting my entire life for, and have been searching and searching the best I know how to for the last five years. And they make us wait even longer.

I still don’t know what I will do… Positive or negative. Even if its positive, I don’t really know if it will change anything, aside from giving me the peace of knowing, and finding the answers to where that part of me came from. It will bring some closure and healing to an old wound. If its negative… At least I met some great people, formed some friendships, and will keep in touch with, despite the disappointment.

But for now…

I’m depressed. Anxious. Afraid. Nervous. Dreadful. Scared. Alone.

Monday, I might call around and see if any counselors could get me in on a really quick basis… I just want to talk about it and perhaps get some help preparing for either result…

I just feel so alone.


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I am Samantha. I am twenty years old, and have a gorgeous little girl, and a baby boy who I am expecting in May. I am married to my best friend in the entire world. I am a full time student, and am torn between pursuing a career as a midwife, or going to medical school to become an obstetrician.

4 thoughts on “Alone”

  1. You’re not alone. Even though I’m thousands of miles away, I’m just a short message away if you need someone to talk to or to vent to. Chin up!! I’m here.

  2. I only read your blog for the first time about a week ago, but I have been checking back all weekend waiting for your big announcement. Good luck!

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