In Summary
Filed Under Contemplative, Danny, Love, Maddi, School | 4 Comments
Ok. A lot has happened recently, so let’s sum it up.
- I went to my workshop in Anchorage to be a birth doula. I finished it, had a blast and now have an official title. I am now Samantha Van Vleet LSP.
- We fixed AJ’s memorial cross on the way back from Anchorage because it had fallen down. We added some more flowers, re-enforced it with nails through the center (instead of just twine) and restacked the rocks. Hopefully next time I can bring som caulking and make the rocks stick together.
- I’m catching back up with school. Still doing decently.
- I discovered the starbucks bottled mocha frappuccino recipe (it’s on the blog post before this one.)
- Maddi is talking a lot more.
- Danny sits up for a second or two by himself.
- My computer got some kind of crazy malware on it and it crashed. Thankfully I had enough time to move my files and pictures to my husbands computer and then did a factory restore on my computer.
- It’s getting colder and I hate it.
- I ordered the materials to make my cloth diapers and I’m excited for those to arrive.
- I finished two more baby carriers, and just need to take pictures and list them on the shop.
- I cut out all the peices for seven more baby carriers. Just need to order the straps.
- I’m trying to motivate my husband to get our freezer up and running so my grandpa dosen’t set all my frozen breastmilk on the porch to melt when he gets back from Wisconsin. Dan dosen’t seem to get that my grandpa WOULD do that, and then I would NEVER speak to him again.
So that’s what’s going on in a nutshell.
Other than that I’m just really depressed lately. I feel like nothings going right. I feel like a complete failure and I keep feeling really tempted to just drop out and say to hell with it. I can’t do everything. I clean. I cook. I take care of kids. I do my homework. Sewing is my hobby and I didn’t even get to do that at all for almost a month except for two nights ago. Dan seems to think doign a tiny bit of tidying up counts as cleaning, but he leaves all the intensive stuff for me. I fold laundry. Because his idea of folding laundry is sorting it into piles on the couch and leaving them there for Maddi to spread all over the house. He actually emptied out the dishwasher yesterday, but I get the feeling he only did it because I was mad and I told him to do it while I was picking up Maddi.
I just don’t see a point to much of anything anymore because no matter what I do, it’s never enough and no one cares. Dan dosen’t care. He just want HIS time free so he can “relax” all the god damn time. And by relax, I mean play his video games and watch TV. He acts like he never gets to and he’s soooo deprived, but he does it everyday.
I don’t get that. And no one cares if I do or not.
Comments
4 Comments so far
I was a young mom too.I worked two jobs and went to school.So did my hubby.IT WAS TOUGH and not fair.Sometimes i couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel because i thought the tunnel never ended.But It does,and when I graduated I cried! It isworth it.As far as the hubby thing , well it took years but the hubby helps alot more.It took me listing every single thing i do for US the HOME and all before he began to help.They are alot more capable than just working, and they know that.Thanks for the comment.Plz drop by again.If you add me, I will do the same:)
I know it seems hard now but sticking with your goals will pay off in the end. I have been challenged with small kids and college and work. Sometimes it can seem you are all alone. Think of what an example your actions will be for your children. Break up your goals into smaller bits. One day at a time is sometimes all you can do. I know all of that seems empty but hang in there. Think of how much you have already accomplished. Pick your battles.
It’s really hard.
And I don’t feel like I’m being given the support I need. 
It’s really hard. I keep trying but I feel like no matter how hard I try it’s never going to be enough