My lack of posting…

So here’s my long lost update. I haven’t been keeping up lately… Which you will understand why, shortly!

I moved into my new house! I will post pictures… eventually. I don’t have internet at home yet, not until the seventh, so I don’t have the kind of access I need to do so, but once the professionals from com to my house I’ll be goo to go.

I spent three days painting it! Painting vaulted ceilings is a LOT harder than it looks! And our paint got messed up. Dan told me I could choose a shade of white, and only white, so I picked one called “Peach Froth,” he got five gallons of it. It looked peachier than the card but I just thought it’d dry whiter. We needed one more gallon to finish up on day three. He got it, and it was the wrong color! I went back to get it fixed and it turns out, the first FIVE gallons were wrong! They added extra red. So I got more color on my walls! HA! Take that Mister Dan-Man! Fate was in my favor!

We have a new dog. I’m not sure if I posted anything about him, but his name is Karwei. He’s black with speckled feet. He’s a sweetie. We had him tied up the first few days, but he was whining so much we took him off the lead. We were afraid he would run off, but he didn’t! And he’s stuck around for two days. I think he knows where home is now.

Anyways, I’m crzy busy with school. I think my anatomy class is going to kick my butt. Heh.

I’ll post more once I have my own internet. 😀

It still hurts…

Today kind of sucks.

I’m trying not to let it get to me, but today is one year since I lost my baby. It’s really hard to not get upset. I know that I wasn’t that far along… But it still hurts. It makes me really sad and I have a hard time with it.

I’m trying to be positive and think about the things that happened positively… Like that I became even more resolved to fix things with my husband (at the time we were having problems) and I got pregnant with Danny shortly after… And if I hadn’t had the miscarriage, I wouldn’t have had him… I try to think of those things to keep me from being sad…

But it still hurts.


My crazy life…

Wow. So, my life has been completely insane and hectic lately!

First, I’ve been cleaning, organizing and sorting things like a madwoman. You have no idea how crazy I’ve been getting with the cleaning, but it’s totally necessary. We have some good news!

They accepted the offer on the house! So, we’ll have the keys in about a month! I’m so excited. It’s going to be our first home! It’s freaking awesome! So, because of that, I’ve decided to slowly work on downsizing, cleaning, sorting and organizing things. Especially Maddi’s toys. The kid has WAY too many toys, she even has toys for growing boys that she steals from her big brother! She seriously has enough toys to cover the entire floor of our living room. But that’s because she’s the first grandchild on my side, and Dan’s side… She gets spoiled! Check out my kid needs that, that website is where I get most of their toys. Except for their hoverboard, I got that at this great hoverboard resource.

So, I’m downsizing. I sorted through some old clothes of Maddi’s and even some of Danny’s! Some get sold on ebay. Some are put in a box for a memory quilt. Some are donated the church’s clothing bank.

So, I got my MotherLover “More Milk Plus.” The stuff tastes terrible but it works! I was super impressed with it! It’s given me a noticeable difference in my milk production! I’m excited! I’ve been storing a lot. I’m going to finish filling up all the 80 ml bottles I have for Danny’s backup supply and then I’m going to keep freezing more for donation.

I nursed my friend’s baby today. She went on a short walk and baby got hungry and mama gave me the okay, so I nursed her. From everything I’ve read and researched, there’s nothing wrong with cross-nursing.

Anyways, Danny is crying and I need to get in bed! I have an early dentist appointment tomorrow!

Finding My Father…

A lot of people don’t know this, and a lot of people do, but my paternity has been a mystery to me since I was born. They thought I was one man’s child for two years until a test proved them wrong… And then they thought I was another man’s child for twelve years until yet another test proved them wrong. After the second test, my mom refused to tell me who my dad was. Eventually she told me, but not until I had turned eighteen and spent six months in bible bootcamp being forcefed religion and damnation.

When I got back, I looked for the two names she gave me. But there was so many people listed in the white pages by those names… People all over the country. I even went as far as to call some of them. I thought about mailing them all a letter, but postage would have been a few hundred dollars! I gave up for a while.

My husband and I didn’t really agree on the issue. I still think we don’t. He thinks that by searching for my father I’m being inconsiderate to any wife or kids he may have now, and I’m not thinking about how this will affect his life. I know it will affect him, but even if he has other kids, I have just as much of a right know my father as they do. For sure, when time comes I will give my father a trimmer for his beard with some beard trimming guide.

So, I’ve decided to find him. I’m going through the military to do it this time though. Sometimes the military is able to help locate active duty personnel or former personnel. I found the address to the National Personal Records Center and the U.S. Army Enlisted Records & Evaluation Center. I wrote them both a letter requesting information on the two men, and enclosed a stamped envelope containing a letter for each man in the event that they are able to find them but unable to legally release the information to me. That way, they can address the letter and send it to them.

Now it’s just a matter of waiting. Four to six weeks of waiting.

I’m nervous. I’ve always wanted to find my father… But I’ve always been afraid to. It’s one of those things where you want to do it, however, you’re too afraid to do it. You keep putting it off.

But, I’ve made up my mind this time.

I’m going to do it.

Wisdom Teeth…

(I’m lazy. I copy+pasted this from an email i wrote a friend.)

I went to the dentist pediatric from Laraway Family Dentistry and got my wisdom teeth yanked yesterday and let me tell you, it was a NIGHTMARE! They used 12 vials of the novacaine on me (I’m hard to numb) and finally did a ligamental on each corner of each tooth and then yanked them. The truth is, I miss my old Drescher & Cohen Dentists, they had steady surgeon’s hands. But I found Dr Nancy Halsema  through Smile951 and she has soft hands so she was very gentle. I felt okay the first few hours afterwards, aside from the massive bleeding and having to switch the gauze so much (I can’t stand seeing large amounts of my own blood unless it’s in a vial or something) but as soon as I was able to feel my face again I started passing out and throwing up non-stop. I was JUST able to eat something for the first time a couple hours ago. It sucks. I must have gotten sick at least a dozen times. It’s terrible! I’m still only eating things like Jell-O, applesauce and gatorade. I had a small bowl of potate soup but I didn’t feel so great afterwards. I had to call up my OB doctor and get a prescription for Zofram called in. It’s a REALLY effective anti-nausea medication as Dr. Delahunty said. Works well. I was in the hospital with a virus for three days in March, and thinking about WATER made me sick. They gave me the zofram and all of a sudden i wanted a cheeseburger! lol It’s pretty strong stuff. You have to remember to take the second dose in time, or you’ll end up puking up everything you ate while the first dose was working, which sucks. After a lond visit at the pediatric dentistry & orthodontics office,  I went to my grandma’s afterwards because there was just no way I could take care of Maddi and Danny while I’m on pain meds for the teeth and sleeping so much from the nausea medicine. She’s been an amazing help. I still feel pretty lousy but i think I’ll feel at least decent by tomorrow. I also plan to go to vacation soon and I read about these Vacation Tips To Keep Your Smile Healthy! Click here to find the best toothbrushes to use after getting your wisdom teeth out, you can also find some of the top kits for teeth whitening at

On a lighter note, I got some pretty nasty pictures of my teeth after they were taken out! EWW! I’ll post those later!

Nate’s Party, Maddi’s Pajamas & My Two Year Anniversary

Maddi & GiGi getting ready to get back into the pool!
Maddi & GiGi getting ready to get back into the pool!
Maddi and I played in the pool for hours! width=
Maddi and I played in the pool for hours! She loved it!

She loved it, plus this is amazing thanks to the pool service fairbanks ranch help!

I was bouncing Maddi in and out of the water!
I was bouncing Maddi in and out of the water!
We were all sitting in the shallow end!
We were all sitting in the shallow end!
Papa was trying to figure out how to take a picture and took a picture of me as a test photo.
Papa was trying to figure out how to take a picture and took a picture of me as a test photo.
While I was at the pool, a woman I didn't even know walked up to me and told me I was beautiful.
While I was at the pool, a woman I didn't even know walked up to me and told me I was beautiful.

Nate’s party went great. We’re all exhausted though! Swimming really wears you out, especially so if you are bouncing a little toddler through the water with you the whole time! Ha ha ha. I defiantly got some ideas from the kids birthday parties in Las Vegas for this party.

We went swimming, and afterwards we went to my grandparents house, and had pizza, cake and ice cream. One of the pizzas was freaking amazing. Bacon, artichoke, spinach and chicken pizza with alfredo instead of tomato sauce! Freaking good! And then we had chocolate cake and peppermint ice cream.

I got Nate a cute card. On the front it had a picture of a piece of chocolate cake and it said “For your birthday, I made you a double fudge chocolate cake, but there was a slight problem…” and on the inside it showed a plate with cake crumbs on it, and it said “It was in the same room as me. Happy birthday!” I wrote him a little note telling him he can’t trust his big mean preggo sister around chocolate. I also included a little coupon for him that allows him to pick dinner one night, meal of his choice, for us to make. We’ll even break out our favorite Paper Plates and enjoy some dessert together.

I was kind of suprised. My mom was fairly pleasant the whole time, and even apologized for “being snotty.” So… Who knows? The whole time was pretty fun. Maddi enjoyed the water, but it was pretty easy to tell she was exhausted afterward! She couldn’t keep her poor little eyelids open! My poor baby.

Dan put Maddi in her nightgown when he got home, and she was all freaking out, trying to shove her legs up inside the nightgown… It was so funny! She was so frustrated though! We eventually figured out that she wanted her one piece pajamaas that have enclosed feet on them… We got her out a pair of those, and she got so excited and happy to put them on. Silly baby.

So, tomorrow is my two-year anniversary with Dan! I can’t believe we’ve been married two years! It’s crazy to think about it, but I guess it’s been that long! Time flies, I suppose! I’m excited. I love him so much. He really is my best friend in the whole wide world and I wouldn’t want to be with anyone but him for the rest of my life! Even if he does make fun of me all the time! He’s still my dan-man!

We’re going to make ribs, and pasta, and sparkling cider for dinner tomorrow. Might play a board game. I’m even going to make cream puffs! 😀 Yay for cream puffs! Oh, and how can I forget, we are going to paintball park Boise Idaho next week, we are looking forward the future fun times.

Anyways, again, I am exhausted even though it’s pretty early. Oh well.

Burning Out, Broke, Lawyer-Dan, & Other Craziness

So, I am completely and utterly unmotivated to do much of anything for my schoolwork… Mostly because it’s an art project that we’re supposed to do, and I’m broke. I can’t do a decent art project if I don’t have the correct supplies, and I can’t get the right supplies, if I have no money to buy them! It’s all one giant frustration. We’re supposed to make some kind of native art or something… I think… I’m going to dig around for some glue, and use a paper towel tube, and some left over scrap booking paper and yarn to make a rainstick with rice inside it. It might be a little elementary, but it will be fun, and it’s “in the style” of native artwork. So, maybe she’ll give me an A for effort? I’m too broke to buy anything right now.

Meanwhile, we were going to go to anchorage tonight after Dan got off work, and get a hotel for the night, so we can go to his uncle’s funeral tomorrow, but we’re broke. So we’re just going to leave early tomorrow morning, go to the funeral, and drive home afterward. It’s kind of weird that they waited so long to have the funeral, but I’m not too entirely sure how all of that works, so who am I to determine what’s long and what’s not. Dan’s uncle was only 50 years old though, I’m really hoping Dan looks at this and starts taking better care of himself.

I’m still using the evening primrose oil, one capsule, three times daily by mouth, and three capsules at night vaginally. And I’m drinking my three cups of raspberry leaf tea a day. I’m getting used to the taste. I’m not a very big tea drinker, but I’m starting to like it. It tastes a lot better with honey than with sugar mixed into it. So far it seems to be helping, as my Braxton Hicks are a lot stronger than they were. We’ll see at my appointment on Friday!

Meanwhile, Maddi is being a pill. She’s going through this phase where she thinks she needs to throw all of her freaking food on the floor. It dosen’t matter if she was begging and whining for food before I gave it to her, the second I put food in front of her in the high chair, she thinks she needs to throw it! And she knows what she’s doing is wrong! I’ll say “No!” and “Don’t throw your food!” really stern, and she just looks at me and does it anyways. This has been going on for a couple weeks… Probably closer to a month. Today, she threw her lunch on the floor, so I swatted her hand, put the food on her tray, and told her not to throw it on the floor. She looked right at me, and threw it again! I swatted her hand, picked her up and put her in bed for her naptime without lunch. I know it sounds mean, but obviously, if she’s throwing her food, she’s not hungry. Needless to say, when she got up from her nap, and it was dinner time, she ate EVERYTHING on her tray. So, I think that’s the approach I’ll take. If she throws it, she gets down from her high chair. I don’t make her food, and buy her food just for her to waste it because she wants to be a brat. It’s just so frustrating! I hate to make her take a nap with an empty belly, but she CANNOT keep doing this! Food is for eating. Not throwing!

Meanwhile, Dan has showed some interest in becoming a lawyer, and personally, I think it’d be a GREAT career choice, our lawyer is from and he has always admire all his work. That boy can win any debate under the sun. Heck, he’s won debates FOR smoking, and AGAINST going to college, which is crazy, but it just goes to show, he’s got talent! He’s very good with words, and very good at arguing, which can be frustrating for me sometimes. That’s one thing that irritates me about him, almost anything I say or believe, he wants to hear my argument for it, or my evidence. I don’t plan on debates. Personally, I don’t like debates. They frustrate me and I hate participating in them. I’m not clever and witty and quick like he is. But I do think those very same characteristics that annoy me, would make him an AMAZING lawyer. We’ll see if he decides that’s the path he wants to take. Whatever decision he makes, I’ll support it, so long as it’s something that he really wants to do, and something he can help support his family on.

I think I’m getting the end-of-pregnancy-grumpies. I’m like seriously cranky and I can’t help it. I’m trying not to be, but I am! It’s like… everything makes me go GRRRR! I can’t wait to meet this little guy. I need to issue the kid an eviction notice or something! I would love to have my LUNG CAVITY back to myself and quit having to share it with a roommate who refuses to pay any rent, but insists on giving me indigestion, cramps, braxton hicks, nausea, etc, etc. He he he. As miserable as the end is, I loved being pregnant (well, mostly up until the point I couldn’t breathe anymore..) but this will be my last baby for a long time.

I don’t plan on having any more kids until after I finish my nursing degree. I don’t know how many I plan on having after that. I might have more. I might not. I’m really not sure. I’d like to plan on it, but I don’t know. I might decide that I have different priorities and goals by then. We’ll just have to wait and see. I just know that I need to have a good degree before I have any more babies. I need to be able to provide for the two I have. When I can do that successfully, then I’ll consider having more. Until then, I’m done. Shutting down the baby-making shop.

Meanwhile, I have the most amazing song stuck in my head. I used to listen to it all the time when I was sixteen or seventeen, and I’ve been obsessed with the band ever since then. “Okay, I believe you, but my tommy gun don’t.” by Brand New.

“Wouldn’t stop if I could.
Oh, it hurts to be this good.”

Such a hot song. I love it.

“Oh, we’re so controversial
We are entirely smooth
We admit to the truth
We are the best at what we do
And these are the words you wish you wrote down
This is the way you wish your voice sounds
Handsome and smart
Ooh, my tongue’s the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart”

What can I say? Hearing all these old songs I used to listen to back in the day kind of brings on an inspiration in me. They make me wonder, if at that age, where I am now, was what I saw myself doing at this age. It’s an interesting thought to ponder… Sometimes I think I’m doing well, and 20 year old me, isn’t a disappointment to 17 year old me, and other times, I wonder if I could do better. It varies depending on my mood.

Anyways, I really should do my homework now.

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Money Problems

Yesterday, I filled out Dan’s FAFSA for him. So, hopefully he gets some of the same stuff I did as far as financial aid. He should, after all, we have the same exact tax information. And he has all the dependants, because he’s the one who works and takes care of Maddi and I. He’s hoping to do some online courses that he can do after work, and in his spare time. I think he can. Dan’s really smart, and he’s got so much going for him. He’s so interested and involved in so many different things! He could go really far, if he was just given the chance to do so. One of my friend is in huge debt so I recommended trust deeds for debt in Scotland. It’s sad to see that so many people are in debt and some are so deep that they can’t get out of it, people should seek for debt advice.

Today, I put a bunch of ads on craigslist. I’m trying to sell the car desperately. I need that car GONE. We can’t afford the payments and it’s just a nightmare trying to deal with it! If we could get rid of the car, we might be able to move out and live somewhere nicer, and on our own. maybe put up a business when i get rid of the car and even the money is still not enough for business purposes, payday loans for bad credit surely can help us financially. I posted it for less than what it’s worth, but I don’t care. I just want the damn thing gone! Life would be so much easier without that stupid car!

I posted a few other things for sale, like a dish drainer, some jewelry, dan’s PS3 and some other stuff… I sold the dishdrainer for $10 and there’s someone interested in some of my old art supplies and some jewelry including my best gold diamond rings, hopefully I can get some money out of all of that too! I’m hoping all this money I make selling stuff, I can put towards paying off my bill that’s in collections.

I spent a lot of time last night and tonight posting on mylot, a pay to post site. It’s not a ton of money, but it dosen’t take me very long to write a post on there, so I guess it balances out. It’s not much, and maybe not worth the time, but I’m in a mode where every penny counts right now!

Right now, I’m just anxious to get rid of the car. If I can do that, then we’ll be on better footing and smoother sailing from this point forward. We need to get rid of the car, and get rid of it ASAP, or things might start sucking majorly.